Burger King Tacos (Dear God)

(Pictured item may vary from real life)

Over the past few years, Burger King has had its share of odd items that, while creating a big buzz (especially in the Halloween community), that really never landed like they wanted. From black-bunned Whoppers to green-bunned Whoppers to even a pure black slushy, they never shy away from what most other fast-food institutions would never even think about. And you gotta respect that.

HOWEVER!

I was driving by a Burger King the other day and noticed a sign for $1 tacos. Curiosity got the best of me because, well, it's BURGER KING. Also, judging their track record of venturing down the world of the weird, something told me these might be worth seeing for myself.

The first red flag that went up was when I pulled up to the window the lady asked me to drive up and wait because "the tacos take 4-5 minutes each". Let's think about that for a second. The most simplistic food item takes 4-5 minutes each? You take a shell and throw stuff in it and wrap it up. It took longer to type that sentence than it does to fill a taco.

So, I pulled up and twelve minutes later there was a knock on my window with the said items. The fact I spent $2.14 and it took them almost a quarter of an hour to deliver shows what an economic disaster this item must be. They aren't even breaking even on labor costs! These had to be the best dollar tacos in the world, yes?

Now, I am a big fan of the taco sleeves. This is pretty retro and I have come to appreciate all food that is in sleeve form. The smell, on the other hand, does not go quietly into the night. I purchased these and was less that five minutes from the house and in that time, my car smelled like school cafeteria food for almost a day.

The unveiling.

Holy shit. I know this is supposed to be a taco, Burger King, but what have you done to it? This is the food item most kids first learn how to make after graduating from cereal. Did you fill it with baby poop? Why can I almost see the insides through the shell like a translucent fish? How did you do this???

Normally, this would have gone to the dog or maybe placed on someone's tire so they can have an interesting story at the bar but I am a professional and I have to try it to review it. Mother...

I don't know what is more embarrassing; the fact that I ate this or the fact I just outed myself for taking more than one bite. It's obvious they mask the cheap ingredients but plopping them in the fryer for a few minutes which solved the mystery of the long wait. The hilarious thing is it has lettuce inside which means, I ingested fried lettuce. Couldn't really make out the rest of the insides but what I gathered was meat paste, some cheese and a mild taco sauce that might as well have been ketchup.

What am I going to say? It was a dollar and these days, you get what you pay for. So for $2.14 I got those weird hiccup-burps and a car smell that almost made me burn to the ground it for the insurance money.

Give them a try! What do I know? I believe these were an old item brought back but I could be mistaken. Now, if you are looking for a really good taco review, watch Carlin's taco reviews coming soon to Nerd Lunch!

Hasta Luego!